


even if we tumble and fall

by ahoy_cinderella



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:56:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23361325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahoy_cinderella/pseuds/ahoy_cinderella
Summary: why would she be allowed to see him? she's not his wife, she's not his family. she's his principal, she is nothing but his job...
Relationships: David Budd & Julia Montague, David Budd/Julia Montague
Comments: 54
Kudos: 154





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> fuck. imagine me not being obsessed with julia montague, yeah I can't either.
> 
> I mean I've never properly written these two idiots before so god knows how this will turn out but I've had this idea in my head for so long and my uni work is now finally, sort of, under control so here goes nothing.   
> it's gonna be a few chapters but I'm not sure how many.   
> go easy on me but be honest.
> 
> I'll tell you now for free, I'm an absolute comments whore, the more people I know like it, the quicker I'll write.

She was underwater, or felt like she was underwater, but how can one be asleep underwater? The slight movement of her head seemed to cause an uproar around her, whoever was there was talking at speed, or maybe there was more than one voice?

She couldn’t make out any specific words, it just sounded like she was underwater, hiding underwater like she used to when she was a child in the bath and her mother would start shouting at someone for whatever reasons she could find that day. It was then that a seven-year-old Julia discovered that she could drown out the voices around her, literally drown them.

She would take a deep breath and hold her nose, slide down the porcelain bathtub until she was completely submerged and the voices she heard before were just loud mutterings, masked by the sounds of her own heartbeat in her ears and the swirling water around her body. It was the one thing, a kind of defence mechanism she had carried from her childhood, hiding in the bath; whenever things got bad, in her teens, at university, after rough cases during her days as a badass criminal barrister, hell, even during her tumultuous marriage, she would hide in the bathroom, run a deep, heated bath and keep sinking beneath the water for as long as she could until her lungs ached from the lack of oxygen.

Only now she knew she wasn’t under water, she could feel someone gripping her arm instead of feeling the warm embrace of bath water, the voices got clearer and a searing pain shot through her chest, it felt as if her lungs were burning, her body melting from the inside. Her eyes opened to blinding light before she lifted her hand to cover her face, the hand that someone was holding, a female, well it sounded like a female voice, saying her name over and over again, telling her to open her eyes. Slowly, the voices became clearer, saying her name, telling her to open her eyes and asking if she could feel something.

She tried to speak, tried to make any noise at all, but all she could feel was burning. A strained mumble, completely incoherent made its way past her lips before someone told her not to talk.

“Julia, you’re okay.” The calming voice said slowly, “Don’t try and speak just yet, but if you can, can you open your eyes for us?”

Eventually after a few tries, Julia’s eyes opened, she blinked hard and her eyes watered as the pain took over, a few tears escaped and stung as they made their way down her cheeks. “Julia, my name is Dr Callahan, can you hear me okay?”

Julia nodded, trying once again to open her mouth to speak but hastily being told not to. “Don’t try and speak just yet, you inhaled quite a bit of smoke which has caused some damage to your throat”

Her eyes widened as the doctor spoke before a comforting hand was placed on her own “You’ll be fine, there’s no lasting damage but because you’ve been unconscious your throat will be quite sore, you’ll need to keep the oxygen mask on for now which should help”

“You’ve had surgery, you suffered a broken collarbone, a broken wrist and a couple of broken ribs, your left hip was dislocated and your left knee, we can only guess it was from the way you landed. You also have some minor burns along your neck and on your hands that will heal in time and shouldn’t leave any scarring…” The doctor continued to explain the list of Julia’s injuries, but the Home Secretary found it increasingly difficult to concentrate as she was met with flashbacks of the event that lead her to this hospital bed.

“…We had to put a small pin in your collarbone, it should heal without any issues. There is no exact cause yet, we’re not sure if it was from the explosion itself, debris or what have you, or from when your bodyguard tackled you to the ground” The mention of the word _bodyguard_ had Julia struggling to sit up, her eyes wide and frantic, her breathing heavy, causing her to cough which in turn caused her entire body to ache from the burning in her lungs and throat to the movement of her broken ribs.

“Ms Montague, please” The doctor’s voice was forced as she pleaded with the anxious patient “You need to calm down, you need to keep still, you’ve only just woken up from surgery”

Tears fell from Julia’s eyes, partly from the pain rattling through her veins but mostly from her thoughts of David. He had been the last thing she saw, sprinting towards the stage, his eyes wide, his mouth moving but she couldn’t hear his voice. He had dived on the stage at speed, taking her down, one arm around her waist, the other over her shoulders, his hand flat against the back of her head before the loudest noise she’d ever heard burst through the auditorium. The world was black when she opened her eyes, it felt like someone had stuck sand in her eyes, the orbs instantly watering, tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to scream. It wasn’t until she turned her face that she realised that David was there, his body wrapped around her own, like a deadweight on her left side.

.

_“David” Julia wasn’t even sure if she’d spoken out loud, the noises around her were deafening, people screaming, fire crackling, bodies rushing around trying to flee the scene but she couldn’t focus on any of that because the one person she needed to see, the one voice she needed to hear was silent._

_She tried to lift her arm, only to find it was pinned to the stage, his weight on top of her, his body so close to hers if they weren’t covered in dust and smoke and debris, she’d be able to kiss the side of his face._

_“David, please…” She whispered, her throat aching as she spoke “Please wake up” Her tears were now unstoppable as she noticed the lack of movement from his heavy frame. “Please don’t leave me”_

_Her body started to give in to the shock and Julia could feel her eyes getting heavy, willing her to just slowly slip into a world of darkness but she fought it, hard. She begged her own body to stay alert, her brain to stay awake and focus on her surroundings, one surrounding in particular being David, her PPO and lover, the man who was literally embracing her frame as they fell together. If it wasn’t was the smoke and dust and screaming of strangers, she could’ve simply imagined that they were in bed. David was always holding her whenever possible, at night, after a long trying day they would slip beneath the covers and meld themselves together as if they were one._

_Her eyes burst open at the feeling of movement along her front, she could feel a weight sliding over her stomach “David?” She choked, her throat clogged with soot and emotion._

_“David, please wake up” She pleaded_

_Julia lifted her arm, yelping at the shooting pain that took over from her fingers to her shoulder and tried to grip the hand that lay on her waist “David…”_

_There was no sound, but she felt his fingers, she felt his fingers moving beneath hers and cried as his pointer finger hooked around her thumb and squeezed. She turned her head to see his face turned towards her, his blue eyes streaming as the dust invaded his sight._

_“Please don’t leave me” She whispered as she heard loud booming voices break through the smog and flames. The emergency services had arrived and were storming what was left of the stage. She could hear her name being called by people she didn’t know; voices she’d never heard while the one voice she did need to hear whispered “Never”._


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this piece of shit has taken me so long and I don't even know why bc it's awful.  
> I have been working mad hours bc of this virus and I'm honestly done in, however I needed to post something bc I have so many ideas and no idea how to get there and they're taking up so much space in my brain so yeah, this is what happened when I sat down to write.  
> it's not nearly as long as I wanted and I had plans for so much more to be added to it but I've decided to split those ideas into different chapters just bc with work and everything I don't have time to write as much as I would like.
> 
> I also have a piece in mind for the lockdown challenge and I've started writing it, key word there being 'started' so it'll deffo be a late post. 
> 
> if you didn't know I would probably whore myself out for comments so please let me know what you think, even if it's shit, I don't mind. 
> 
> anyway...bye.
> 
> \- jade

* * *

_“I’ve worked my entire career for this, David!”_

_“Believe me, I know. You keep going on about it…” David ran his hands through his dark curls as he muttered his reply, the mess of hair on his head now going in every direction._

_“How dare you…” Julia’s voice lowered to an almost growl._

_David stepped forward, encroaching on Julia’s personal space, so close they were practically touching “Is this all you think about?” He asked quietly “Is being in power the only thing that matters to you? After everything that’s happened…Julia you were shot at”_

_“I know!” Her voice broke as she tried to stay angry, “I know I was shot at; you were too!” She exclaimed, her hands pushing against his chest in frustration, “David…I understand your hesitations about this, I do…”_

_“You have no idea, Julia” He replied, turning his back on her, pacing around the expensive hotel room they’d been holed up in for almost a month._

_“Then tell me!” She pleaded, trying hard to avoid raising her voice loud enough for the security guard outside to hear, “Tell me why you’re so against this, it’s just one speech and don’t even think about giving me the ‘it’s a security risk’ speech because I’ve heard it all before” She ran her hand through her dark curls before pacing to the far side of the room and practically ripped the fridge door off its hinges, grabbing one of the only bottles of wine left in the cool container._

_“You don’t get it do you?” David’s voice was almost silent, barely heard in what seemed like a vast ocean sized space between then as he leaned back against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. “It’s not just a ‘security risk’, Julia.” He started, watching as she poured the cool white wine into a glass “It’s not like leaving an open till unattended in Tesco, someone literally tried to kill you, to kill us…”_

_He watched her hands shake as she lifted the glass to her mouth and took a mouthful of wine, her eyes never meeting his as he spoke, “Does being in power matter to you that much that you’d risk that again?” He asked softly, “I know you still think about it, I know you have nightmares, flashbacks…I see your hands tremble whenever you hear a bang, I see you hesitate every time you have to get into the back of the car…”_

_“Okay, David…I get it” She muttered, walking back towards the bedroom area._

_“No, Julia, you don’t” He began to follow her, his voice and steps slow, trying to keep himself calm_

_“Then I can’t help you” She placed her glass on bedside cabinet of what had become ‘his’ side of the bed over the last month. “I wish you would understand how important this is to me, this speech could be the start of something huge, it matters a great deal to me, and I wish you could see that”_

_“I do” David nodded “I just don’t know why it has to be right now, why it has to be in such a public place”_

_“Timing is everything in this business, David” She interrupted him, meeting his piercing blue “Don’t you have something that matters to you so much? Don’t you have something you feel you’ve worked your whole life for, some purpose you’ve been searching for?”_

_David pressed his lips together and looked at the floor, his arms once again folded over his chest._

_“You”_

_He was positive he heard her gasp “You matter to me, Julia.” He stepped forward and grabbed her hands in his “I know it’s not the same, we will never have the same sort of career aspirations and that’s okay, but I need you to understand how important you are.”_

_“David…” Julia whispered, her eyes started to well up, her heart at somewhere in her stomach. They had never really opened up about their feelings for each other yet, it started as an itch that needed scratched, a few fucks here and there to release all that pent-up energy and anger they both had swirling around in their lives. Everything changed after the shooting, the events of Thornton Circus altered their relationship and neither of them had yet had the courage to admit it._

_“I do understand how important your career is to you, don’t even think that I don’t, but I need you to understand how much you mean to me.” He lifted her hands and pressed his lips to her fingertips “I know we haven’t spoken about where we’re going with us or what our relationship even is outside these four walls and if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine, but please don’t be reckless because you think your career is the only thing you have in your life”_

.

The fuzziness was back, her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool and her limbs felt as if they were being pinned down by bricks. She could feel something squeezing her arm and tried to open her eyes, tried to question what the hell was going on. Where was David?

“It’s okay, I’m just taking your blood pressure, Ms Montague” A young voice told her, “It’ll be over in a minute”

“Dav…” She needed to see David, was he even still alive?

“Ma’am, you need to stay as still as possible” The voice said, “You sustained some pretty brutal injuries and are still a bit doped up on painkillers,” She felt the pressure cuff squeezing her arm “we don’t want you reinjuring yourself, Ma’am” The voice told her, a joking tone lacing his words

“Julia” She muttered, turning her head to face the person the voice belonged to, her eyes focusing on a young man, his dirty blonde hair swept back into an impeccable style. “Call me Julia…”

“Okay, Julia” The young nurse smiled “I’m Ollie, I’m one of the nurses that’s been assigned to you”

Julia gave him a faint smile and took a deep breath, gasping at the pain that shot through her chest.

“You’re alright” Ollie started, before pushing a button that started raising her bed so she was mostly sitting upright, she felt her breathing improve almost instantly “You’ve been in and out of consciousness for the last day or two, it’s totally expected with the anaesthetic from your surgery and the painkillers you’re on” He explained as he rearranged her sheets and blankets, making sure she was as comfortable as possible.

“But look at it this way, you’ve got your own personal care team” Ollie happily told her, his bright smile was contagious, and she found herself smiling back. “You’ve got me and two other nurses, Shona and Kathy so if you need anything you just push that button,” He pointed at the red button hooked onto the bedframe by her still working arm, the other one was currently wrapped in a sling and pressed against her chest “And we’ll come and sort you out”

“Thank you, Ollie”

“Not a problem, Ma’am” He replied with a wide smile and clapped his hands together before pouring her some water into a small plastic cup, Julia took a few small sips, grateful for the cool liquid soothing the burning sensation in her throat “Is there anything else you need right now? Are you in any pain? Any nausea, dizziness?”

Julia tried to shake her head but was greeted with a shooting pain down her left shoulder “No,” She replied instead, wincing. “I feel a bit fuzzy, but I’m okay”

“That’ll be the painkillers like I said before” Ollie explained, “I’ll be back in another hour or so to check your temperature and blood pressure, your notes say you’re under hourly observation so I’m afraid you won’t get much peace”

“That’s okay” Julia smiled at the younger man, he looked about 14 as he stood there smiling, “Can you tell me if David is okay? David Budd? He’s my…PPO, he rushed the stage…he saved me”

She felt the emotion in her throat, trying hard to swallow it down and not make it seem like she was too attached. She just needed to know he was okay.

“He’s here in the hospital” Ollie started

“He’s alive?” Julia choked

“Yes, I’m afraid I can’t tell you much more because of confidentiality, but he’s very lucky to be alive”

“Can I see him?” She asked hesitantly, her voice practically whispered the question to the younger man in front of her

“I’m not sure at the moment, I’ll have to check with the doctor and with his next of kin. Due to the nature of his injuries there is limited visitation for him right now” Ollie explained, knowing he was giving too much information away.

“Okay,” Julia breathed, tears threatening to pour from her eyes “But he’s alive?”

“Yes,” Ollie nodded, giving Julia a sympathetic smile “He’s alive”

.

As the young nurse left the room, Julia felt a weight lift from her chest as she released a breath that she didn’t even realise she was holding. David was alive.

She felt the tears before she had a chance to stop them, coughing as she choked back a sob, her hand clasping over her mouth as she cried quietly, thanking whoever was watching over them that David had survived. They were nothing close to an official couple yet, they were both obsessed with each other but only for themselves, buried beneath bed sheets, whispered secrets and glasses of wine, behind closed doors where no one could hurl abuse or tell them how big a mistake either of them was making. There were no villains or victims, no distraught wife, no devilish home wrecker, just David and Julia.

However, out in the real world their relationship didn’t matter, not right now, not while he lay severely injured after saving her life. To everyone else, she was his job and nothing more. Would she be allowed to see him? Would Vicky be playing the distraught wife card, making everyone believe that their marriage was still intact?

Julia knew it wasn’t. David had told her; he had explained what the war had done to him and to his marriage. He had told her while they were buried beneath white sheets with sweat still clinging to their skin how Vicky had looked at him with pity when she first saw his scars, how she had avoided touching him and kept encouraging him to talk when the last thing he wanted to do was expose his wife to the horrors he had seen and the horrific events that had led to the permanent scarring on his body. She knew all about the events that had led to their separation and how Vicky was currently seeing somebody else, a doctor from the hospital where she worked who had always had a thing for her. Julia knew the truth, she knew that Vicky was moving on and so was David, but nobody knew about her. Nobody knew that David was moving on _with her_ and that scared her more than anything.

Thoughts ran through her mind over and over of the worst possible scenarios. What if something happened and David’s condition got worse? What if she never got to say goodbye?

That thought alone made her nauseous.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, hello my beautiful little otters.  
> I really have no idea what this chapter is but I needed this to happen as sort of a filler before the next bit.
> 
> please let me know what you think and if you want me to continue! 
> 
> love you all. 
> 
> J. xo

* * *

“Good to see you, ma’am”

“Kim…” Julia smiled as her blonde bodyguard hobbled in the door to her room, a heavy cast around her right leg, from just below her knee to her toes as well as white gauze bandages across her shoulder, peeking out from beneath her loose fitted grey shirt.

“How’re you feeling?” Kim asked as she approached her principal.

Kim Knowles had been a part of the Home Secretary’s protection team since her marriage to Roger, well, the last eight months of it anyway. She had seen Julia through some tough times in her personal life and Julia had always had a soft spot for the straight-talking blonde. She knew about Kim’s family issues, she had needed an extended leave of absence just over one year ago to help her sister who had gone through an awful custody battle, resulting her in her ex-husband threatening her and her children’s lives, which led Kim to becoming her own sister’s personal security. Julia had been understanding and offered Kim any help she had needed during the difficult time, leading to an unspoken strengthening of their friendship. They weren’t the type of friends who would go out drinking and shopping together but they had each other’s backs. They had seen one and other through some difficult times in their personal lives which had created a deep respect between the two.

“Probably about as good as you, right now” Julia replied as Kim took a seat beside her bed.

“Any idea when you will be going home?” She asked the blonde.

“Oh, I already am” Kim grinned “I was let home yesterday morning, Emma and the kids came and picked me up” She explained referring to her sister who had collected her from the hospital.

“Oh, that’s great” Julia smiled “How are they getting on?”

“Yeah, grand. They’re still staying with me.” Kim relaxed into the chair “Archie thinks my cast is the coolest thing in the world” She chuckled gesturing to her leg, referring to her six-year-old nephew’s new obsessed with her injuries.

The pair continued to catch up until they ran out of words, Julia was desperate to ask about David and whether Kim knew anything about his condition and Kim, having already spoken to his wife, Vicky, wanted to know what Julia knew about her Sergeant, however, neither of them were particularly keen to look that elephant in the room directly in the eye. The silence between the women thickened to an almost choking degree until eventually Julia couldn’t take it anymore. She was never one for sugar-coating the truth or avoiding the difficult conversations and decisions, she had told David as much not long after they first met.

“Have you seen…”

“Did you hear…”

The women spoke over each other and smiled sadly, they both knew what they were trying to ask, Kim apologised and nodded for Julia to ask her questions.

“David…P.S Budd…Have you heard how he is?” She asked quietly, trying to avoid getting emotional in front of a member of her team. Although she and Kim were close, the blonde wasn’t aware of the relationship between the Home Secretary and her PPO.

“Eh, yeah…” Kim shuffled in the chair, Julia knew she was trying to avoid telling her the truth.

“Just tell me, Kim.”

Kim nodded and leaned forward “I haven’t seen him.” She started “I went to his room yesterday before I left. The doctors were in doing their rounds and Vicky, his wife was standing outside”

Julia shuddered as she referred to Vicky as David’s wife. She wasn’t really, not anymore, they were getting divorced. They were both moving on…not that anyone else knew that.

“I spoke to her for a bit. He’s not in a good way, ma’am” Kim told her, her voice turning sad and low.

“How bad is it?” At this point Julia couldn’t even recognise her own voice, she cursed herself as the tears welled up in her eyes “Please just tell me.” She asked.

“There’s a lot of internal issues apparently” Kim started, trying to remember everything Vicky had told her the previous day “He sustained a serious head injury, they reckon it must’ve been as he rushed on stage, he must’ve got hit in the head with some debris…” Kim noticed Julia’s breathing change, her hands were starting to shake “He’s had surgery twice already, one to try and relieve pressure on his brain caused by a bleed and one to stop a bleed in his liver. They had to remove a part of his liver, but they said that shouldn’t be an issue when it heals, the liver is an impressive organ apparently.” She shrugged, repeating what Vicky had told her, Vicky understood more than she did, she was a nurse after all.

“It’s all my fault” Julia said quietly. “He tried to save me…if he hadn’t…”

“It was his job, Julia” Kim stated, “We all have a job and his…and mine, is to protect our principal, no matter the cost.”

“You shouldn’t have…”

“It’s our job” The blonde forced, reaching out to touch her principal’s uninjured arm, “He knew the risks”

“It’s a risk you all should _not_ have to take.” Julia smiled sadly, tears shining in her hazel eyes making the specks of green all the brighter.

It wasn’t something Julia had every really thought of before, other people literally risking their lives for _her_. She understood the need for politicians to have some form of protection, the number of colleagues she’d seen and read about in the papers having eggs and flour and all manner of things thrown at them by the Great British public was somewhat embarrassing. She had always hoped that she herself would never be the victim of being egged by a random stranger. The thing is, as much as she’d never imagined herself being egged, she hadn’t exactly imagined being shot at or blown up either. Either the world was getting much more violent or a portion of the general public absolutely despised her.

Her heart started an unusually fast rhythm as she thought about the last two major events in her life, the shooting and the bombing. The fact that somebody had elaborately planned to not just embarrass or hurt her but to actually kill her was terrifying. She had never really thought about it at length before but it wasn’t until now, until these disastrous events had happened that she realised that most of the people assigned to protect her; a single, childless woman with no real familial responsibilities were all in one way or another depended on.

PC Kim Knowles was widowed, she had married her high school sweetheart at the age of 22 just before he had been posted overseas, a proud member of the British military, Antony Knowles had died after his convoy had driven into unknown enemy territory and been pelted with a storm of bullets - killing all but three people - which had left Kim a widow at the frankly disgusting age of just 27. That was how Kim had known David, he and her husband had briefly served together. Although she had been widowed early, Kim had her sister and nephews to worry about, they were living with her and relied for her for most things, including their safety.

Her driver, Terry; he had been with her for almost five years before the Thornton Circus debacle. Happily married for over 27 years, he and his wife had three daughters, the youngest of which was fresh out of university. Julia could still remember the day that he had told her about his youngest getting her university offer from her own alma matter. The pride shone from him like sunbeams, so bright they were almost blinding. Julia had remembered congratulating him and his family. She had even nipped into a shop that day and bought a card for young Laura, wishing her all the best in her studies.

And David … David was new to her team but had without fail made the largest impression …

“Ma’am…” Kim’s voice started to break into her thoughts.

Julia could feel her breathing stutter and her chest felt impossibly tight as she began to think of David. The blonde beside her reached for her trembling hand and encouraged the panicking brunette.

“Julia” Kim encouraged “You need to breathe”

“I can’t…” Julia shuffled on the bed, crying out as a bolt of pain shot through her back and down her leg.

Too many people had suffered too much already because of her. If David died as well …

David Budd, a member of the British army, served ten years before encountering an IED meant he was honourably discharged on medical grounds, mentally and physically scarred for life. Father of two young children whom he adored …

Julia’s monitors started beeping erratically causing one of her nurses, Ollie, to burst through the door. He had rushed to her side, grabbing an oxygen mask and carefully placing it over her head, mindfully of the stitches that were curved down the side of her forehead.

“Julia, take slow, deep breaths for me” Ollie encouraged, keeping an eye on her monitors, while checking for no obvious signs of physical damage.

“She was fine…” Kim started, still holding her principals had tight in her own “We were talking about David and she went quiet and then this …”

“She’ll be fine” Ollie spoke “It’s just a panic attack, not surprising after everything she’s been through”

Julia’s breathing started to slow, and she could feel herself burning up, her skin covered in a slight sheen of sweat from the utter panic that plagued her as she thought of her lover. Her eye’s met Ollie’s for the first time and the young man smiled “You’re okay, it’s just a panic attack” He encouraged “Just keep up the deep breathing, it’ll be over soon”

She felt light-headed as her breathing returned to a vague sense of normal “I need to see him” She mumbled through her mask, reaching to pull the plastic from her face.

“David…I need to see him”

“Ma’am…” Kim started, unsure if Julia’s presence at David’s bedside was a good idea.

“I have to.” The fire came back to Julia’s eyes, that flame of determination that Kim often saw before Julia fought and took down anyone who decided to stand in her way.

“Julia, I’m not sure if you can” The young nurse spoke, gently brushing her arm as he helped her remove the elastic of the mask over her head.

Her eyes almost burst with tears, she felt a rock forming in the pit of her stomach and a flash of pain through her chest as she practically begged “Please … If he dies and I can’t say goodbye, I’ll never forgive myself”

* * *


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *imagine mrs doubtfire popping out from the fridge* well hellooooooo there. 
> 
> sup?
> 
> I hope you're all well and happy.
> 
> I've been on a writing spree the last few days and I've got absolutely nae idea where its come from.  
> if you haven't seen, I started a new fic called "I'll show you every version of yourself tonight" and I've posted two chapters so knock yourself out.
> 
> I haven't forgotten this fic, I still have so many ideas for it, but between work, uni and other life shit, its been hard to find the time to write a text let alone a whole chapter of fic.
> 
> here's chapter 4, please let me know what you think.
> 
> I'm never sure if I should continue fics I've left for a while bc I reckon people have forgotten about it.
> 
> love you all. ox

* * *

The weather was surprisingly mild for a November afternoon. Julia was sat in her wheelchair in the hospital garden, her orthopaedic doctor still wasn’t keen for her to put too much weight on her left leg after the bombing that left with her with a dislocated knee and hip on her left side which meant that unless she was doing her physio exercises, she was bound to the chair.

It felt strange to see a glimpse of sunshine so late in the year. She kept her head tilted to sky, littered with white clouds and a few patches of blue. The fresh air felt marvellous after being couped up in the same hospital room for almost a week. She had spent every moment since she awoke from her surgery, desperate to see David. Kim had been in to visit her the day before and warned her of his injuries and what terrified her the most was the head injuries. She needed to see for herself just what exactly was going on, she needed to speak to his doctors, she wanted every piece of information they could give in order to prepare herself for what lies ahead.

But she wasn’t privy to such information.

Julia Montague might be the Home Secretary of the United Kingdom, she may well be the most powerful woman in the country if many of the papers, political blogs and even political commentators were to be believed. She could make grown professionals quiver with a single glance and was well versed in getting her own way in terms of her career and yet,

None of that mattered now.

The man who had barrelled into her life and snuck his way into her ice-cold heart, somehow without her even noticing, lay in a room not too far from her own and yet she still had absolutely no idea if he was going to live or die. She had no idea how long his recovery would be if he were to make it and she had no idea of the extent of his injuries.

She had no idea if he even wanted _her_ at all.

Their last conversation before the explosion had been brief and yet jam packed with information. Julia had admitted to knowing about the Heath Bank incident, something David had suspected for some time but couldn’t bring himself to question her about. She needed him to know the truth, about everything. So, she explained her reasons for not telling him about the almost bombing of his children’s school, she still kept her secrets about her meetings with Stephen locked away, but she admitted the one thing that scared her the most. The one thing that gave him the ability to break her in a heartbeat.

She wanted him. By her side. _Always._

She told him that she wanted him by her side, not because it was his job, not because he was being paid to stand beside her, behind her or in front of her; but because he wanted to. She wanted him to.

Because it was their choice.

A brief chill from the wind passed over Julia and with her free hand – her other being stuck in a sling because of the fracture to her collar bone and dislocation of her shoulder – she pulled her thick cream cardigan tighter around her frail frame. It was thick and warm and smelled like home. It was her piece of comfort clothing that she always wore after a long day or pulled on first thing in the morning over her pyjamas when the air was so cold outside the only safe haven seemed to be in bed beneath hefty covers.

She was pulled from her own thoughts when a bright yellow ball flew into her field of vision and made her jump. She felt her heart pound harder as the foreign object landed near the right side of her wheelchair, the gust of wind having blown it over one of the rows of plants that were littered along the hospital gardens.

 _“Ellaaaaa! You were s’posed to kick it to me!”_ A young voice broke through the air, another followed but was too far away for Julia to hear the reply.

A young boy with a head of dark brown messy curls appeared from behind a bush and ran towards the football. He noticed the wheelchair and picked up the ball, holding it tight against his stomach before turning towards Julia.

“My sister was s’posed to kick the ball to me, but it went the wrong way” The young boy spoke, not quite as pronounced as they should be and a slight lisp coating his words.

Julia smiled at the boy, she guessed he couldn’t be older than six but what did she know, she knew virtually nothing about children or how fast they grew up. “That’s okay. It must have been caught in the wind” She replied, trying hard to keep her voice soft as not to scare the child. She was used to talking to adults, well, usually arguing with adults.

The young boy took a step closer to Julia and opened his mouth to speak but stopped dead, his eyes wide in fear. Julia followed his worried gaze and turned her head as much as her injuries would let her, to see Tom, her current PPO coming to stand by her side.

She lifted her hand to halt him “It’s okay” She nodded to him and the blonde man returned her nod and kept his distance.

“It’s okay” She told the boy “That’s Tom, he has to look after me sometimes”

The youngster nodded and looked between Julia and Tom “Is it so you don’t get hurt again?”

“Pardon?”

“You’re hurt” He pointed towards her arm in the sling and her face which still had stitches down the curve of her forehead and bruising along her cheekbone and down her neck.

“Yes.” Julia nodded, taking a quick glance down at her injuries “I did get hurt”

The boy came closer, placing his ball on the bench that Julia’s chair was just to the left of. He reached his hand up and wiped his hair back from his face, his eyes ever leaving Julia.

“Does it hurt?” He asked, his head tilting to the side, like an inquisitive puppy.

“Hmm, a little bit.” Julia told him “But the doctors have given me some medicine which makes it not hurt so much”

“That’s good.” The little boy smiled, his baby teeth gleaming white. He moved a little bit closer, still standing, with his hands now loose on the ball. “Did you have a fight?” He asked.

Julia chuckled lightly “No. No, it wasn’t a fight. It was just an accident”

She may not have been around kids very often but even ice queen Julia Montague knew that telling a young child that she had been standing on a stage and a bomb went off underneath her was maybe a bit much.

“My daddy had an accident” The boy spoke “He’s in there” He pointed at the large hospital building behind her. “He’s been sleeping for a while, but my mummy said he needs to sleep to feel better”

Julia felt her heart break a little for the young boy in front of her “Yes, sleeping should help him get better” She just agreed, not knowing what else to say.

“What’s your name?”

“Julia” She smiled “What’s yours?”

“Charlie” He grinned, “I can spell my name by myself now”

“You can? That’s great” Julia beamed. Trying to not let it affect her that this young boy had the same name as David’s son and could be the same age.

“Yeah!” He let go of his ball and moved slightly closer “I go to a new school now so I can learn better”

“That’s great, Charlie” Julia felt lightheaded, surely this couldn’t be …

 _“Charlie!”_ Another voice, this one older, and female came from around the corner “There you are, monkey!” The older woman approached the pair “I’m so sorry, he’s got all this confidence now, wants to chat to everyone” She said, not really looking at Julia until she got closer and the pair finally made eye contact.

Julia’s heartbeat increased the second the woman spoke. Her Scottish accent strong and brash as she approached the wheelchair bound Home Secretary.

The elder woman’s eyes never left Julia and Julia’s gaze drifted between young Charlie and the woman she guessed to be his grandmother.

“Go and find your sister, Charlie, we should be gettin’ back soon”

“But Nana …”

“Go!” The woman pointed in the opposite direction and Charlie sulked at being taken away from his new friend. He ran past Julia’s chair as fast as his young legs could take him, shouting _“Bye Julia!”_ as he rounded the corner, his bright yellow football clutched in his arms.

The older woman, shorter in stature than Julia if she was standing, but she had a presence that could not be ignored, sat down on the bench next to Julia and spoke softly “…Home Secretary”

“Julia,” She replied, tears clogging her throat “Please, call me Julia”

“Julia” The woman nodded “I’m Elaine”

The pair sat in silence for a few minutes, Julia trying hard to concentrate on her breathing and forget the fact that the woman next to her was her lover’s mother.

“I’m David’s mum, by the way”

Julia nodded with a smile and turned to the older woman “The accent gave it away” She replied “He’s the only person with a Glasgow accent that I know, and you’re at the same hospital so …”

“It all adds up” Elaine nodded.

Julia held Elaine’s gaze. She could see the resemblance between the two. David had his mother’s eyes, colour and shape. As well as her cheekbones and the dark hair, although Elaine’s now streaked with grey, but the brunette tint was still there.

“Vicky told me you tried to see him” Elaine spoke, even when her words were soft, her accent was still prominent. She had guessed David’s had lessened slightly having been in London for so long. “The nurse told me she wouldn’t let you in”

“ _Hello_. _You must be David’s wife?” Julia asked softly as she approached the room that David was being kept in._

_She had finally worn-down Ollie, her young and somehow incredibly upbeat nurse into finally letting her leave her room in search of David. His only stipulation was that he was with her and she was in her wheelchair as she was yet to be allowed to walk anywhere unaided._

_The blonde stood in front of her husband’s hospital room door, her arms folded over her chest, her face creased into a scowl. “You can’t be here” She said firmly._

_“Vicky …”_

_“No” Vicky interrupted the Home Secretary “You shouldn’t be here. You’re the reason he’s in this mess in the first place” Her voice was laced with venom as she spat words at Julia._

_Julia held firm, trying for the life of her to not let her emotions show. She knew this was all her fault. If she had just let David convince her not to speak at St. Matthews, this never would have happened. But she didn’t._

_She fought with him until the bitter end and he relented, reluctantly agreeing with her; checking and double checking her routes, times and exit plan right down to the very last second but in the end none of his security measures were needed. She had barely made it five minutes into her speech before the stage she was standing on was blown to pieces._

_“Please” Julia spoke quietly, she cleared her throat and fought against the emotions that were collecting in her throat “I just need to see him”_

_Vicky’s scowl never left her face for a second “No. You don’t” She insisted._

_The blonde leaned forward until she was almost eye level with Julia “He has two young kids.” She started “He has two young kids who might not have a dad for much longer and that’s on you, Julia”_

_Julia’s heart hit the floor and she couldn’t stop the tears in her eyes “I’m so sorry” She whispered_

_“You shouldn’t even be here.” Vicky stuck the knife in deeper and Julia felt sick to her stomach with every word that fell from her lovers soon to be ex-wife_

_“He is your bodyguard, that’s all. After this you’ll have another poor soul protecting your every move and you know what? I feel sorry for them.”_

_Julia broke eye contact with the angry blonde and dropped her gaze to her lap, her vision blurred with the tears in her eyes._

_“He’ll be lucky to even survive this, never mind have a job afterwards. So, just leave Julia. We don’t need your pity”_

_“She just wants to see how he is, ma’am.” Ollie tried to step in for Julia, trying to calm the situation he’d seen too many times between families of injured patients. “Surely you can give her five minutes.”_

_Vicky seethed, her eyes like daggers straight into Julia’s soul, “No.” She looked at both Ollie and Julia, her rage evident. “He doesn’t need you. Just leave him alone.”_

_“Vicky, I …” Julia tried to speak but couldn’t find the words, even if she did, she didn’t have time share them before the angry blonde interrupted her once more, hitting the final nail in the proverbial coffin._

_“You are nothing to him, Julia. Just go.”_

“I just wanted to see how he is” Julia replied, trying her hardest not to breakdown in front of his mother. She had no idea about David and Julia’s relationship, and this definitely was not the place for her to find out. “I’m not trying to intrude”

“I didn’y say you were, dear” Elaine smiled “Can’t imagine what you must be going through”

“I just…” Julia started and immediately stopped, she couldn’t pour her heart out to a complete stranger, even if she was her lover’s mother.

“Just what, dear?”

“I just want to see him” Julia coughed lightly to clear her throat, looking away from Elaine and back towards the plants to hide the fact that her emotions were on overdrive “I need to say thank you”

“I imagine he’d want to see you” Julia’s head whipped round so fast she whimpered at the pain that shot down her chest and through her shoulder.

“What do you mean?” Julia couldn’t even hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

Elaine shrugged “I have a feeling he’d want to know you’re okay” She leaned forward “Something tells me he means more to you than just being your bodyguard.”

Julia huffed out a laugh and tried with all her might to hold back the sob that was held captive in her chest “Don’t let Vicky hear you say that” She replied, not admitting to anything.

“Don’t worry about Vicky, Love. She’s just angry at the situation. She spent years waiting for something like this to happen when he was in the army” Elaine tried to explain “We all did.”

Julia gazed at the older woman, trying to imagine what it must be like to know your child was thousands of miles away, fighting in a war zone. “I’m so sorry” She whispered.

“Don’t be.” Elaine reached forward and placed a soft hand on her leg “You couldn’t have known this was going to happen. It’s not your fault”

“David tried to warn me.” Julia told her “He tried to tell me it was too soon after the shooting and I fought him all the way” She hastily brushed a falling tear from her cheek. “I should’ve listened”

“Maybe, but you can’t change what’s happened.” Elaine stood when she saw her grandchildren wandering over towards them.

“Nana, can we go see mum now?” The girl, leading her little brother along, spoke with confidence beyond her years.

“Hi Julia” Charlie bounded forward and waved excitedly when he saw his new friend still sitting where he left her moments before.

“Hi Charlie” Julia smiled through the tears in her eyes as Elaine tried to corral the kids together.

They were walking away having said goodbye when David’s mother turned back “Vicky’s working nightshift tonight. She’s a nurse at the hospital near the Shard…I forget what it’s called…”

“London Bridge …?”  
  
“That’s the one” Elaine smiled “He’ll be alone tonight, if you want to see him.”

Julia’s heart burst and her eyes widened “I’ll tell the nurses you’re allowed in”

“Can you do that?” Julia questioned, her voice timid, she had been through far too much in the last few hours to pretend she wasn’t completely and utterly exhausted and emotionally drained.

“Love, I’m his mother. I can do what I want” Elaine smirked and nodded towards the emotional brunette and lead the kids back in through the hospital doors leaving Julia almost openly sobbing in her wake.

She held her good hand against her mouth and let a few tears fall. She would _finally_ get to see David this evening.


End file.
